I got a responce from Mission Year today. They received my references and now it's time to set up an interview. I plan on calling my interviewer today. Hopefully everything will go well.

I played no-limit texas hold'em with a buddy from my work over the weekend. There were fourteen people playing. I thought it was going to be a twenty five dollar buy in. But because they had less people than they wanted it got bumped up to sixty dollars. What was I thinking? I should have said, "no thanks". Everyone else thought it was a bit much to play for too. I played because I didn't want to be seen as cheap. If I knew that no one cared or that they didn't really want to play for that much, I would have walked away. But I didn't and I lost sixty dollars.

I did like playing though. I did pretty good for awhile. I came in sixth place out of fourteen. The top three players got paid. I almost got there, but not quite. I want to play again. However, I'm probably going to Mission Year and need to raise money. So I can't be spending it all on poker games. It would be cool if I could win but that's not garanteed to happen. I need to be wise at this time.

I should get going. I need to get an interview set up, do the dishes (grumble, grumble, grrr), eat dinner, and get some sleep. I'm realy tired. At 1pm, in the work van, I dozed off for a few minutes while my co-worker was on the phone with the boss-man. (But I never fall asleep in the van)

it's been weeks since i've been able to blog. what a relief. sorry for the delay. i know you've read from my previous blogs that i put myself on a schedule so i can blog more frequently. well, i am still on a schedule but some things are becoming more important than blogging. like clean clothing. and paying your bills. (judy, i bet you're nodding in agreement!)

it's not like my life is all work and no play. i'm learning that it's bad to be all play and (almost) no work. so i decided to catch up on the work, and it has been overwhelming at times. what i need to learn now is to not let my responsibilities pile up on me like they've been. so...i'm finally caught up!!

i notice there is no communication here via tagboard messages lately. are people not visiting my blogsite anymore. even if there's no blog let me know you were here. leave me a message after the beep...i mean, leave me a message telling me to blog more. something. anything. random crap is always welcome here too. be spontaneous. be silly. be, if you dare, dwaynish!

i bet you're all wondering what's up in my life. well, the last time i looked the sky was still up there, birds and planes were still up, and if i remember correctly it still can be painful to walk around while looking straight up.

ok, seriously. i've been doing alot of surveying for my work. i find that i prefer having work over not having work. (sit down for this one). i guess you could say i like working! which is why i've decided to push myself and do something difficult. THIS IS NOT DEFFINITE YET, BUT IT SEEMS LIKE IT'S GOING TO HAPPEN! i filled out an application for mission year. (check out www.missionyear.org) it's a year long inner-city missionary outreach. if God will allow it, i plan on devoting a year of my life to this ministry. i am not that good at describing what it's all about. so that's why i suggest you go to www.missionyear.org so you can have a better explanation. what i can say is that it will definately be outside of my comfort-zone.

i'm waiting for a responce right now from mission year. as soon as they recieve my references the interviewing process will start. this is all going to happen fast. the ministry part starts in september 2004 and goes until late august 2005. i will be away from everything i am close to. except God!! i see this as another major turning point in my life. who knows, maybe God will call me to travel someplace else. i'm not worrying about that now though. i'm just focusing on what's in front of me. i'm excited and i'm scared. please pray for me. and as they say, "this is what seperates the boys from the men".

also, i don't like doing this type of stuff. but if you would like to sponsor me or contribute something, no matter how small you may think it is, let me know. i'll get you info on how to contribute. i appreciate anything you can do. and i mean it, no gift is too small. my email is bigD_is_lost@hotmail.com

i want to publicly thank twig for getting rid of the scrollchair. i couldn't figure out where to go in the javascript to get rid of the scrollchair. i like it alot more like this. thanks, twigchair!!

i'm learning that i need to prioritize my life more. i need discipline. so i'm arranging a schedule to keep my days organized. so, if you want to see me, all you'll need to do is schedule an appointment. ok, that was a joke. but i may say "no" more often. i am overwhelmed lately b/c i've been trying to do EVERYTHING. my schedule has been overlapping itself. i end up trying to do two things at the same time. it can't happen like that anymore. i'm going to balance my days so i can give each part of my life the proper attention it needs without having to cancel one thing b/c i forgot there was something else i was going to do right then also.

this problem also applies to my eating habits, believe it or not. there are times where i am offered food several times in a day. i usually would say yes to all offers. but i need more discipline. this is part of taking care of God's temple; ME!! it's as much spiritual maturity as it is physical maturity.

it's time for me to grow up. things are going to change. i'm going to start taking care of myself. some of you know that i love others alot, but at times i can't stand myself. that's why on june 2 i wrote that it's hard to love myself and that i wasn't satisfied with who i am. God's doing a change in me. at first i thought i was just depressed. i was only becoming depressed b/c i did nothing about what God was laying on my heart. as Pasor Gay says, "impression, without expression, leads to depression." i believe this is all part of God's plan for my life.

I'm tired. I need more sleep. I wouldn't lose so much sleep of I prioritize my time better. I want to do everything and with everyone, but there's not enough time in the day. I end up getting tired like this...and important things become neglected.

For example, I wanted to hang out with some friends, so I put off my laundry for a few weeks. Now I've been wearing the same clothes twice for a few days. I need to get this stuff done. I also want to get my glasses and eye exam done. Which reminds me, I missed that appointment b/c I was hanging out with friends. I want to buy some clothing too, but I haven't gotten around to it.

In that last paragraph, I didn't mean to make hanging out with friends seem like a bad thing. What I'm trying to say is that I should prioritize needs and wants better. I need to say no once in awhile. But I don't want to say no. I guess it's at the point where I have to sacrifice things, even the things I want.

i think it's been a week since i last blogged. the reason is that i have been surveying. let me explain...i survey all day and get sweaty and dirty, therefore, i feel icky going to the library like i am.

i went to shelvinrock mtn. with bygrace this weekend. it was fun. i was able to use a potato launcher. we shot potatoes off the side of the mountain. the hike wasn't hard. it was enjoyable. we camped at the summit. we played mafia. i got to be the sheriff (or in our case the "ranger"). all together it was a great time. i look forward to doing it again. this 4th of july weekend they are having an event much like this one but on a larger scale.

i'm not satisfied with who i am. it's hard to love myself.