What The Future Holds

I think about the future and I see...potential, hope, change.

I really don't know what to do about the future. Mission Year has alot of its own crap to make you, at times, overwhelmed. But I need to look up and try to visualize what I want to be doing once this experience is over. I have ideas and dreams and thoughts that seem too distant still to be the answer I'm looking for. Another thing that taints my sight into the future is this depression thing. I learned that making decisions can be hard to do while you're depressed. I think the decision in general is difficult. This is the rest of my life we're messing with.

Here are some of the thoughts that have run through my brain:

(Maybe this will give you a good look at me, internally)

- I know I want to get married. My mind thinks about this alot. I wonder it would be best to marry first then jump into whatever indeavor God brings after. Or will I start the next indeavor first and then get married during or after it. When is the time when I get to fall in love? Have you ever asked yourself that? I feel like I'm chasing after so many other things; whether it's ministry, work, or education related. I have only dated one person in my whole life. Getting to know someone. Falling in love. Getting married. I never fealt like it was time. I feel like it's getting closer.

- I know I want to use what God has blessed me with in ministry. I am good at certain things. I am bad at others. I am also learning that I can become better at the things I have not yet mastered. What I do know is that I have given God my life. And I want to have a heart that is after God's own heart. He loves the world of people which He has created. And the Bible talks about Jesus having compassion on them. Especially those in need who get neglected or rejected. I want to use my talents to bless God's people. I want to help the needy. I want to learn from people too.

- I want to experience new things; go where no one else dares to go. I hate conformity. I'm growing accustome to change. I think that's why I want to go someplace I've never been before. Whether that's Afghanistan or South Africa or another state in America where most other people wouldn't want to go. Have you ever seen shows on tv where people run away from certain places because of the danger there. But then you see the super-hero run into the danger. That's what I think of when I think about Jesus. He ran in to help, not out to save his own skin. I want to do that. I'm reading this book, "Father Greg and the Homeboys". It's about a priest and his ministry with gangs in L.A. The danger there is so real, yet God uses the priest to help in immeasurable ways. At times even at the risk of dying.

There's probably more to add to this but I'm almost out of time (I'm still at the library). I will continue to think about these things until God shows me what decision to make. He's showing me that it's even ok to make the decisions myself and trust that it's ok with Him. God knows my heart and motives. If the decision is wrong He'll convict me and let me know.