I was accepted to go to New Orleans. I pretty much expected that. My life in the past few years has been preparing me for this, I think. I don't feel able though. I struggle with so many little things in life. I haven't even staightened myself out. How am I supposed to minister and help people I don't know? Won't all my own struggles get in the way of ministering to people? Why would God want to use me? I used to want to be used. I used to dream of having this opportunity to serve and go where God leads and totally depend on God and really be used by Him. But I've learned so much about myself in the past few years. Most of what I see is failed attempts at doing what's holy, righteous, Christ-like. I always fall short. Yeah, I quite my job and moved to Atlanta to live in the inner-city and spend my time volunteering. But I don't think I'm good at it now that I tried it. My life has been gaining momentum towards full-time ministry of some sort. But after doing it instead of imagining it, I don't think I'm qualified. Yet, I was accepted to go. I was told I have abilities that can be used in New Orleans. Am I ready? I need God. I need Him so much right now. And right now I'm so far from Him. My life's in a fog right now. I know I need God to get out of it. I know He's somewhere in it. But I can't find Him despite of it. I wish I had so many things to help me. I wish I had an environment that allowed me to focus on God more. I don't have a church to go to and pray at. I don't know people well enough to lean on them for support and encouragement. I feel alone in this right now. Maybe I need to stop leaning on others. Maybe it's not the place or environment that helps me find God. I nned to seek Him. I need to stop fooling myself. I need to get serious with God. I need to start giving 100%.